I’ve done the work, I continue todo the work, I have a great therapist. This post is about my moments of clarity. If you are reading this and connecting with me, I am with you. If you are wondering what’s wrong with me, you and I are in different places, and that’s ok.
There are moments, that we have as a loved ones of an addict, that linger and haunt. Full disclosure, there are so many I’ve lost track. The particular one that stands out for me, the one where the downward spiral ended, was when I realized I was working harder for his sobriety than he was. That my ability to read a situation and problem solve was not an attribute rather an achilles heal. To say those things out loud, to acknowledge I could not veer him from his path, it was devastating. Like flipping a switch I no longer felt responsible for him, his actions, his excuses. A wieght lifted… “I’m only going to be in charge of myself and my kiddo” has become my new mantra. If all that wasn’t hard enough to swallow I had an “ah ha” moment that kicked me where it hurts. I’m part of the problem not the solution.